“Call your friends you love the ones who you know that if you called them at three o’clock in the morning they would answer the phone
and if they called you at three o’clock in the morning you would be there for them do not do this with family do not do this with siblings do not do this with your spouse it doesn’t work, those relationships are too close. Do it with the friends you love and ask them the simple question why are we friends?
They’re gonna look at you like you’re crazy because the part of the brain that controls feelings and behavior doesn’t control language in other words it’s hard to put into words ironically you stop asking the question why because the question WHY is an emotional question and it elicits emotional responses like you ask your kids why are you home late shut up dad but if you say what were you doing that you’re home late that’ll answer the question right so you after your friends say I don’t why are you asking me this you switch to what questions come on what is it about me?
Would you ask?
What specifically is it about me that I know that you would be there for me no matter what and they’re going to hem and haw it’s going to be very difficult for them and they’re going to struggle don’t help them don’t let anybody else help them you have to let them go through the uncomfortable process and you have to play devil’s advocate so they’ll say things like I don’t know you’re funny you’re smart I can rely on you and you say good that’s the definition of a friend you have that with all your friends what specifically is it about me that I know you would be there for me no matter what and they’re going to go through this process of and you’re going to say well that’s the definition of a close friend.
It’s about emotion
What you’re going to keep at them and eventually they’ll give up, and they’ll stop describing you and they’ll start describing themselves and this is what my friend said to me they said, “I don’t know Simon, all I know is that I can just sit in a room with you I don’t even have to talk to you and I feel inspired and I got goosebumps, in fact, I’m getting them right now
right, so what they did is they articulated my value in their lives and I had an emotional response so you’ll get to the point where they’ll say something that you will either get goosebumps or you’re well up with tears or something will happen you will have an emotional response that’s the part of the brain;
The Olympic Brain
What do neurologists and others who study the brain see when they watch the world’s best athletes compete in this Winter Olympics? Many see brains propelling people to extraordinary things, allowing them to spin and flip without dizziness, to adapt quickly, to anticipate challenges — or, sometimes, to choke.
Unless you understand what controls those emotions you won’t get the exact words of your why but you’ll get in the ballpark, and my friends what you’ll find is if you do with multiple friends, you’ll get very similar if not the exact same answer because the value you have in their lives are the same it’s you so it’s a fun way to Find Your Why.”
